When people think of domestic abuse, they often think of abuse within intimate partner relationships. However, domestic abuse can also occur within families, including situations where a son abuses his mother.
This form of abuse can include coercive and controlling behaviour, intimidation, threats, verbal abuse, financial exploitation, criminal damage and physical violence. It can have a devastating impact on victims, yet it often remains hidden because mothers may feel ashamed, guilty or responsible for their child's behaviour.
The behaviours may be dismissed as "challenging behaviour" or part of the ups and downs of family life. However, abuse is never acceptable, regardless of the relationship between the victim and the perpetrator.
Why are we raising awareness?
This campaign aims to help mothers, families and communities recognise the signs of son-to-mother abuse and
encourage people to seek support as early as possible.
The campaign sits within the Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) programme because mothers are disproportionately affected by child-to-parent abuse, with evidence showing sons are more commonly identified as perpetrators.
Son-to-mother abuse is often misunderstood and underreported. Many mothers may not identify what they are experiencing as abuse, while family members and friends can mistake the behaviour for ‘typical’ family conflict. As a result, victims can suffer in silence and may not access support until the situation has significantly escalated.
Abuse often develops gradually. It may begin with controlling, intimidating or threatening behaviour before escalating into more serious emotional, financial or physical abuse. The impact can be devastating, leaving mothers feeling isolated, frightened and trapped within their own homes.
At its most extreme, violence within these relationships can result in matricide, the killing of a mother by her child. While such cases are rare, they highlight the importance of recognising and addressing abusive behaviour at the earliest opportunity.
By raising awareness, we hope to challenge misconceptions, increase understanding of the warning signs, and encourage open conversations about an issue that often remains hidden. Recognising the signs early can help prevent further harm and ensure those affected get the support they need.
Signs of abuse
- Abusive behaviour can take many forms and may include:
- Coercive and controlling behaviour
- Threats and intimidation
- Verbal abuse
- Financial exploitation
- Damage to property or belongings
- Physical violence
Coercive and controlling behaviour is a pattern of actions used to dominate, manipulate or control another person. In cases of child-to-parent abuse, this might include making a parent feel fearful in their own home, dictating household routines, isolating them from friends or family, making threats, demanding money, or using emotional pressure to get what they want. Over time, this behaviour can have a serious impact on a parent's confidence, independence and wellbeing, even where physical violence is not present.
What is CAPVA?
CAPVA (Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse) refers to a pattern of abusive behaviour by a child or young person towards a parent or caregiver.
CAPVA can affect families from all backgrounds and may involve:
- Threats and intimidation
- Verbal abuse
- Coercive and controlling behaviour
- Financial abuse or exploitation
- Property damage
- Physical violence
The abuse may happen occasionally or form part of an ongoing pattern of behaviour designed to control, frighten or dominate a parent. While CAPVA can be carried out by children of any gender against parents of any gender, research shows that mothers are disproportionately affected and sons are more commonly identified as perpetrators.
We understand that seeking help can be difficult. Many mothers worry about being judged, blamed or getting their child into trouble. Others feel a sense of responsibility for the abuse they are experiencing.
If you are affected by son-to-mother abuse, it is important to remember:
- Abuse is never acceptable, regardless of family relationships.
- You can love your son and still seek support.
- Asking for help is not giving up on your child.
- Early intervention can help prevent further harm.
- Support is available for victims and concerned family members.
No one should live in fear in their own home. If you are experiencing abuse or are concerned about someone you know, support is available. By raising awareness of son-to-mother abuse, we can help break the silence surrounding this often hidden form of abuse and encourage people to seek support sooner.